Trigger my favorite reader who is named after a horse ridden by Roy Rogers writes:

This has nothing to do with current post, but here's something my coworkers don't want to hear: Why is it that when I enter the restroom and go into stall #3 (of 6) the next person comes in and enters either stall #2 or #4? There are other options. And yes, I washed my hands.

I am not a game theory expert but I think trigger has a flaw in his own stall strategy. He says he picks number 3 or letter C. Here is the proper stall selection order:

A) A is far from the door. Plus it only has one potential stall with which a creepy staller can sit in next to it. So if A is empty and B is empty he should pick A.
F) If A or B are occupied but F and E are empty then he should pick F. Again only one potential neighbor, but closer to the door.
From there if you cannot grab either of those you should pick the one that has two openings next to you. So potentially C or D, if people are picking correctly. If the only choice is for you to be a D in between a C and an E, the only thing you can do is go in, but to save face, make a joke about how with the way cafeteria is cooking lately we may pretty soon need to bump up to 12 stalls. This should alleive your colleagues nerves that you are killing the safety stall.

Supplemental comments.
1. This assumes no handicapped stall. I am a huge handicapped stall fan, in fact I remember a specific one in college that would be a two bedroom apartment in Manhattan.
2. Why do people sit next to you? Not sure but a quick way to get them to stop, is as you are taking care of business in the stall, drop a few subscription reply cards for Hustler so they slide to the offending person. The other thing you can do is when you flush yell, "Take that Australia".

Hope it helps Trigger!

Very Busy day. There will be some reflections tonight.

One thought for my fellow office people. Do you ever get nervous that the mute button really doesn't work on the phone your are using for a conference call? I did today when someone in a meeting said, "Sounds like someone started their weekend a little early" referring to someone senior who was rambling on and on life he had a couple of martinis for breakfast.

I found this list of jobs that I listed as my interests from Freshman year of High School
1. Forestry Expert
2. Math Professor
3. Comedian
4. SWAT team sharpshooter
5. Radio DJ

I don't want to say that I found this list depressing but tonight after work I am buying a gun going out to the woods and working on pronouncing math jokes.

I am not in anyway involved with the automotive industry. I read in the papers that the big car companies are in trouble. Here is my idea. Stop with the Cashback. In no other industry do you pay a certain price and then the person say thanks for buying our product here is some money back to you. If you want to make more money stop giving it away to people who have already bought a car.

Do vegetarians who are opposed to veal, eat baby carrots and baby corn?

When you watch the weather how much attention do you pay to the barometric pressure?

1) 0%
2) The what?

Sometimes I wish I had studied meteorology in college. Unfortunately I never could have made the majors I am left handed. It would have given me an edge in the pointing arena, but I would have had to handle the remote with my less dexterous right hand to move amongst the screens.

I think people should be able to love whoever they want, but something always makes me a bit sad when I see a beautiful woman and a guy who is covered in tattoos and piercings together. It's like paying extra money to get organic, small farm raised milk, but then getting the store brand vanilla filled chocolate cookies and not Oreos to be dipped in.

Do you ever miss the Far Side? or Calvin and Hobbes?

The Tuesday Interactive Question:

Today is name your favorite type of apple. Last night I was the recipient of a Fuji apple. Fuji apples are always to bland and meaty for me. I really like, in this order, my apples:

1. Empire
2. Gala
3. Golden Delicious
4. Granny Smith
5. McIntosh

When I worked at the day care center, one October for five days in a row I took the kids to an orchard (we only had two vans so some kids stayed at the center, others went to the orchard, I was one of two employees to get orchard duty). I learned so much about apples and kind of got a crush on an apple grower's daughter. I remember pulling the classic "on a tour and have a crush" move of asking a lot of nerdy questions of her about apples. Alas, I was not the apple of her eye. I think in hindsight she may have thought I had an Apple fetish.

One thing about living in an Urban Area without a car is that I don't go to Supermarkets often. I usually do my food shopping at any of a series of small mom and pop markets. There is one that has good fruits and vegatables, another that has good meats, another that is cheaper on the staples, etc, etc. In fact the majority of time when I am in a supermarket I am away from home. This has lead to me cultivating a talent to a level that few Americans have acheived. That talent is the ability to talk a checkout clerk in a strange supermarket into running through the Bonus or Club card so that I can get the discount. Now I know what you are thinking, they will do that for everyone. Not so. I can think of a few chains where initally they say they can't. Then I pull out depending on the age and gender of the clerk one of the following chestnuts:

Young female Clerk: "Listen I am actually visiting from New York City for a college reunion any chance we can get some leeway"

Female clerk that clearly has more than one kid, "Sorry I am visiting my Mother and she has the card, but I just ran out to grab a few things for her" (Doesn't work when your basket is 4 cases of beer, four bags of chips and a Nerf Football)

Male Clerk: "Yeah when my girlfriend dumped me she took the card"

My biggest advice though is win before it ever becomes an issue, pick the aisle as far away from the floor manager with the youngest clerk with a smile on her face. One quick smile and all of a sudder instead of a 12 pack of hot dog buns being $1.19 you are getting them for 87 cents.

I had a meeting this morning where there were three project management people, a consultant, and me and my boss. It was a pleasant meeting of the highest order. It started off with a three page flowchart that probably took two days to create, and my boss and I poked holes in it within the first five minutes. Then it followed with enough buzzwords and acronyms that the conversation barely sounded English. Then, in the hours since, there have been about 15 emails where everyone is trying to summarize what was discussed and getting it not just wrong, but not even close. I hate lightbulb jokes. But I really think this is true (and I think it is original, but I may have swiped it from somewhere):

How many consultants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Answer: How Big is your Budget?

From this week's issue of the Philosophical Seamstress Weekly:

Points to Ponder:

1. Would you rather knit a turtleneck sweater for a giraffe or horn cover for 6 rhinos?
2. If you make a mistake on a king sized afghan, but it turns out to be the perfect full size afgan: is the final product defective?
3. If you rename a lockstitch a chain stitch and a chain stitch a lock stitch and how much longer would it take for you to make a summer dress for your niece's 14th Birthday?
4. You own a scarf, over the years it begins unraveling at the one end. So you continuously add on to the other end to keep the scarf the same length. Eventually, however, you get to the point where you have unraveled all of the original scarf and are starting to unravel your repairs. At this point is that scarf considered the original scarf or is it a second scarf you have created?
5. A new company has developed a fabric that never wears, that can adjust to fit any style, and is more comfortable than the highest thread count sheets on a soft bed after a long hike. People love the fabric so much that they refuse to wear anything else. What do you knit now?

What do you do, if you buy a parrot, you name it Polly and a year or so of ownership, you take it to the Vet and find out that the bird has an allergy to any baked flour or wheat products?

Number one thing you can do to make yourselves sexier, ladies:

Get rid of the Fanny Pack

My boss called me tonight. I immediately thought, ut-oh its document shredding time. She actually lives 5 blocks away and wanted to know if I had a drill. I love when you let your imagination get ahead of yourself.

You never meet anyone who lists as their favorite candy, Lifesavers. I bet it doesn't even crack many top 5 lists.

I have a acheived a certain level of status. I have just been added to the weekly staff meeting of my boss's boss. Two staff meetings a week!!! I must be dreaming, because I am afraid I am going to wake up and it will all be gone.

8 Popular Songs that you don't want to get stuck in your head because they are tough to get out:

1. Barbie Girl - Aqua
2. Building a Mystery - Sarah Mclaughlin
3. Cecilia - Simon Garfunkel
4. Raspberry Beret - Prince
5. Stand - REM
6. Jump - The Pointer Sisters
7. Red Red Wine - UB40
8. Beautiful - James Blunt

Guess which one has been in my head the last two days?

Usually if you listen and sing to yourself the lyrics of American Pie, you can get most songs out of your head