ODDs and ENDS

1. In a followup to my post about how 2006 is different from 1996 here. I think there is an inflection point in pop culture. There is a movie that has sensibilities that would fit with 1996 and 2006. That movie is Can't Hardly Wait. The timing is perfect for it as well. It came out in 1998 8 months before Oops I did it again.

2. To anyone that will listen to me, I always state that by far my favorite Elvis song is Suspicious Minds. I could and probably do listen to it on a daily basis, at least for the last few years. The lyrics, the production, the melody just slay me, and its a sad song, which I love. Anyhow through the magic of the internet I found this which is collections of "cover" versions. The only one worth really noting is halfway through the list, by Mark James. Mark James wrote the song (and also the Willie Nelson song Always On My Mind). Any how it is a great version and when you strip out the powerfullness of Elvis' voice there are small parts of the song you notice that when you go back to Elvis version you can still see there. (As a faithful reader of this blog I reserve the right to write 600 words on the song at a ;ater date).

3. Is there anything better then when someone refers to themselves in the third person.

A rare sports thought. Why is there no Mel Kiper of basketball. I think there is a million dollar idea.

What do you say when a co-worker watched 15 minutes of a Nova special and asks you to explain string theory to him?

Thank you Wikipedia.

I think God willing and I eventually have kids, I will be a great father.

"Daddy why did Zeus have to die?"
Go here to find out

"Daddy why am I in love with the girl next door?
Go here to find out

"Daddy if I were to take a time machine to 19th century Slovenia and played an instrument, what would I play?
Go here to find out

(And yes I will name my pets after Greek gods)

The Post (not the Washington) film reviews are if nothing else on time. But then I read the opening paragraph from the zero star review of Strangers With Candy.

I'M giving "Strangers With Candy" one star for every laugh it gave me. The Amy Sedaris comedy based on the failed TV show isn't the least funny film of the year - but for that it should send a thank-you note to "United 93."

Senator, I knew Jack Kennedy and you're no Jack Kennedy.

Overheard last night: "I realized that my five year plan will have to be lengthened to a ten year plan because I am just not that efficient"

From an email today. Star is out at the view. And there is one less program to TIVO.

Let me ask you this question. Choose your own adventure style:

You are in a meeting. There is one person in the meeting who, from pretty much every angle, has the power. They are smarter, they have more experience, they know what they are talking about much more, they even have more charisma. Then, there is another person who thinks there is a power struggle going on. This person is making moves to prove how bold, smart, or likable they are. In this situation do you:

A) Laugh in your mind the whole time at the scene that is unfolding
B) Feel sorry for the person who is making it into a power struggle, because they don't get it
C) Hate the entire situation because yet again there is an hour meeting with six people that should have been a 30 second conversation with two people.

Why is KFC's music Sweet Home Alabama? An ode to the South and a rebuttal to Neil Young's condemnation of it, is supposed to make us want a bowl with mashed potatoes, chicken and gravy. Doesn't their ad agency realize what the K stands for? Kentucky. I am not a marketing executive (although I probably could be) but here are five songs that I think KFC should consider for their next round of ads.

1. The Chicken Dance (Imagine a bunch of kids doing the chicken dance and being rewarded with a drumstick by their telegenic parents)
   
2. Kentucky Woman (But only if we can actually have Neil Diamond serenading a bucket)
3. We are the World (What better to sell chicken than an anthem about world hunger)
4. You're Body's a Wonderland (How can anyone argue with John Mayer)
   
5. Free Bird (If you had to have Skynrd why not a song about birds...

And this bird you'll never change.

And the bird you can not change.
And the bird you can not change.

True Item: All day today at work the men's room smelled like mulled cider. I think someone had a Yankee Candle for dinner last night.

3 things that are not awesome
1. Anyone who speaks to a television reporter about a lot of rain in their area and refers to it as "their Katrina"
2. When a rubber band breaks and you don't have another one to use
3. When you are expecting a piece of mail and it doesn't come

3 things that are awesome
1. Awesome blueprints
2. Awesome Bread and Butter Pickles
3. Awesome Random Numbers

3 things that are neither awesome nor not awesome
1. unformatted CD's
2. when there is a sample of cologne or perfume in a magazine
3. when the person calling has dialed the wrong number but is polite

Are you ever working on Powerpoint presentation, fixing some formatting, making sure the fonts are uniform and just think to yourself, "Wow I have made it! How can I only be 29 years old and acheived this level of success!"

And just in case there are any muggers who read this, and now know how not to fumble getting in to steal my collection of Celebrity Autobiographies, my address is

123 Main Street
Anytown, USA 12345

And my keys are on a keychain that says Class of 1981 Lion's Power. So if you see me and I am carrying keys that are on a nondescript keychain it is because that day i grabbed the wrong keychain that morning...

Whew, now I can walk the streets again safely and leave my copy of Dirk Benedict's book Face Time out without fear.

Each day I do struggle with one thing. The key to the building my apartment is in, is shaped as you would anticipate the key to the actual apartment would be shaped. Then the key to my actual apartment is shaped as you would expect the key to the building would. So everyday, after years of keys conditioning, I try to push in the square key into the front door when I shouldn't. I have lived in this apartment for five months, when will I overcome my key prejudice?

The Drudge Report is reporting that Rush Limbaugh was detained at the Palm Beach Airport with illegal prescription drugs including Viagra. It made me think of this Limerick:

There once was a man named Rush
who over, conservatives did gush
He made their wives swoon
but there was nothing this goon
could do when he was as hard as slush

Wait, so the world's second richest man is giving all of his money to the world's richest man. What's next :

Scott Peterson is going to help OJ look for the real killer?
7-up is going to offer uncola-ness to Sprite?
Royal Penguins are going to offer cuteness to Emperor Penguins?

Think fast: Can you name a movie that Nicole Kidman was in without Tom Cruise and a Keith Urban song? If you can, score yourself -35 points.

One more soccer thought. Corporations should institute yellow cards.

• Timewasting: spending a large portion of your day discussing your kids, your fantasy baseball team, your recipe for brownies, you repairs to your third bathroom or any other inane topic that wouldn't be interesting except for the fact that you are at work
  
• Blatant flirting with the intern. Always remember when she was in eighth grade your student loans were half paid off.
• Over cc'ing on an email. We get it you actually are doing work, you don't need to remind us every 12 minutes.
• Pungent food at your desk. There are times I wonder if people are eating a fart sandwich on sweat socks bread and washing it down with sour milk
• Obnoxious cell phone ring. I am sure at the family picnic everyone gets a kick out of hearing the theme from MASH every time someone calls, but for those in the office we are reminded why the song is actually called Suicide is Painless
• Quoting anything you learned in "B-school". We get it, you have an MBA, that doesn't mean you need to be a douchebag.
• Calling someone who is close enough so that others in the office can hear both sides of the conversation.
• Too many inspirational quotes in a cube. Has your "together we acheive more" poster with a bunch of stallions running through the prarie really helped you, you have been in the same position for ten years

Here is a question that has bothered me for some time and I have never really had a forum to ask it. It is brought upon my watching the soccer match between England and Ecuador. Why is video that originates in Europe so much hazier than video that originates in the US. Is it the metric system?

One other soccer question:
What is the highest scoring world cup game ever 5-4?

Appalachian State University is HOT HOT HOT

This is the kind of stuff you find on the internet on a rainy Saturday night.

What is your favorite pants fastening system?

1. Zipper button and loop
2. Zipper snap button
3. Button and loop fly
4. None Draw String
5. None Elastic Waistband
6. Zipper hook and tab

I despise button fly.