This is weird but super cool as well.

My buddy number 13, enjoys every once in a while reading my correspondence with others, what follows is an email with my cousin, that I think makes some interesting points. I have changed references to my name, in keeping the thin veil of anonymity this blog maintains, but this is how I responded to the question, how do I deal with Neurotics.


One of the things of being over here is that people in my life all the time want to introduce me to people they know, "that I will love" who are either in London or are visiting London or whatever. Now I am an optimist, and a realist and a cynic at the same time (that probably make me neurotic). But for the most part I think my line on people:
a) most people I can deal with in small doses
b) most people wear out their welcome with me after four hours
c) If you make it past the four hour mark, twice, I will forever love you
d) if you do not go over well in the first ten minutes your chance of ever making the four hour mark is about .01%.

Now I realize this all sounds harsh, and this is not The Lakes' standard operating procedure as much as it, how life plays out. so people keep telling me I have to meet so and so. And A) because while i have a cool group of friends here, it still is slightly lonely from time to time, and B) because I don't want to be rude, I will often agree to a pint or coffee to meet these people. now since being here the success ratio of such "set-ups" for lack of a better term, has been zero. In fact most of these people who I will love I can't stand. They have grating personalities, they are obnoxious, they are into hardcore drugs, or lots of sex with strange people, or generally are to quote Austin Powers - not my bag.

So the last few months this has bothered me, It has me on multiple occasions to think to myself, why do they think I will like said people. My thoughts have boiled down to this

a) In some way the feelings these people inspire in my friends who are suggesting we should hang out, are similar to the feelings I inspire. And since I can't stand to be alone with myself for very long, of course I can't stand to be with people like me.
b) People in the US overestimate the combination of being an American in London as potential common ground (my own experience runs opposite to this however as my group of friends here is much more eclectic than in the US and in a lot of ways our only common ground is that we are American)
c) forced set-ups never work (think blind dates or mentor relationships like Big Brothers Big Sisters)

My conclusion is that it has to do with the fact that I am a happy-go-lucky person who prefers matters of friendship (or retroactively liking someone romantically) to be organic. To be something that happens because it happens, not because someone else thought it was a good idea.

So what does all of this have to do with your question: well the fact that I have thoughts like this makes me either Neurotic, Self absorbed, Self aware, an overthinker or mentally challenged. The truth is probably a Venn Diagram with me in the middle. The other thing to remember is that in New York where Woody Allen is a role model, Neurotic for a lot of people becomes an easy personality template to fall into. Personality template is the thing I describe where someone has no personality so they adopt a pre-defined personality and all the tenets of it, rather than develop there own (see jock, slut, goth, emo, anorexic, Frat-boy all for examples) now we all know people who fit only parts of it, but how every once in a while in life have you met the uber religious Catholic girl that also love to drink or the Sports guy who also was working on a Screenplay, or the Investment banking guy who stays up writing meandering emails to his cousin at 230 in the morning whose defiance of the template makes them not what they appear to be, and its those people who we want to spend more than four hours with. So don't let the Neurotics drag you down, remember there is a big difference between having to spend four hours with someone and wanting to.

good to hear from you

The Lake

PS yes the insomnia hit tonight

Indiana Jones.

Well for those that worried it doesn't suck. It follows the formula of Raiders and Last Crusade, in that the first part of the adventure is almost cooler than the rest of the movie. Not to use an English major word, but the exposition is way over done.

I read Ebert's review, and he makes a great comment, is the reason we don't like this one as much as the others is that it is the fourth, and if we had seen this one first would we have loved it just as much. It's an interesting comment, one that when combined with the fact that I am 23 years older than when I first saw the character, left me at the end of it saying, how I intro'ed this post, it didn't suck. As comparison I left Iron Man saying, how friggin cool and fun was that movie. One is positive the other is refuting negatives. Either way go see it, if for no other reason there is an awesome ants scene, and there is a great scene where IJ is interrogated by CIA agents and it implies a lot has happened since he left the holy grail.

My funny joke of the weekend. In Hoboken there is a blockbuster. The sign in Daylight says BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO. At night when the neon is up and the sexiness of renting things is at its peak it says. BLOCKBUSTER V. Saturday night the Dump, #13 and Backdoor and I were in the car driving by, and I said, "and here we have Blockbuster Five."

When's the last time you got to use Roman Numerals for fun?

If someone says to me "you have to meet so and so, you will absolutely love them" two results will follow and its based on their criteria used to come to the conclusion that I will love them.

Criteria one: They are basing it on their knowledge that my heart often melts for slightly naive but intellectually rigorous, shorter cute blondes from suburban America, who find cynicism, mixed with embarrassing stories from childhood, mixed with the occasional fart/dick/ethnic joke to be the most charming characteristic in another human being.
Result: Usually I absolutely love them, where love is defined as, wouldn't be opposed to sitting next to them on a long flight to Asia where we both don't have books and the movie is Sisterhood of the Traveling pants.

Criteria two: All other Criteria.
Result. I don't absolutely love them, in fact I often think they are obnoxious, annoying or any other adjective that you don't put on your Match.com profile or your resume.

I think the reason for this is when people decide people who we will "absolutely love" they are doing so basing it on the person they are thinking of reminds them of us, and has characteristics of us. I hang out with myself enough that I don't need another me.

What Happens in Vegas.

Can you tell the weather has been crappy.

Again another Field choice. I relented because if I have to go watch anyone on screen for an hour and a half there is much worse than Cameron Diaz. I was pleasantly surprised. Again nice supporting cast, Two of my favorites were in it, Dennis Farina as Diaz's boss and Dennis Miller as the judge. Rob Corrdry who was on the Daily Show plays Ashton's friend and steals every scene he is in.

I liked the movie too, because it took place in New York and felt like New York really is, a lot of New York movies have New York as a setting but don't capture how New York actually is (Big Daddy comes to mind). Again one of those movies where the ending was coming from a mile away, but there are a lot of funny scenes and there seemed to be legitimate chemistry between Diaz and Kutcher.

My recommendation, good date movie, especially if you are in that stage where you want to go from dating to boyfriend and girlfriend.

Baby Mama

The field wanted to see this. I have to say though that the friendship between Amy Poehler and Tina Fey was strong enough to carry the movie. It was again bolstered by interesting side players. Greg Kinear (who is one of those actors you don't go to see in movies, but when you find out he is in the movie its a pleasant surprise) and Steve Martin have nice roles. It is one of those movies where you can kind of tell where the plot is from minute one, but there is some heart in the characters and some very laughable scenes. I would say this is the perfect movie for a third date after you cook your girlfriend dinner and rent the DVD.

Speed Racer

I didn't like the Matrix, and I didn't like this. All I can say is that John Goodman I think steals everything he is in. Other than that how can you have a movie with Christina Ricci (the princess of Goth Hot) and make her seem boring and uninteresting. Proof again that all the special effects in the world but if you don't have a story, you don't have anything.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

As you know I am a big How I Met Your Mother fan. I think How I Met Your Mother takes everything we have learned from Arrested Development, the Office, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and said let's redo Friends. In doing so they have created a sitcom that is very traditional in structure and very unconventional in execution. If the show has weak links it's in Marshall and Lily. Lily because she is annoying, Marshall because he doesn't add anything to the show.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall, much like the 40 Year old Virgin, Wedding Crashers, and Knocked up takes the basic chick flick/date movie plot and then attempts to gross it up for the guys who need to sit through it. Here is why it succeeds moreso than I think Knocked up did, because the main character is likable. We are rooting for him throughout the movie. We feel for him. But again as with Iron Man he is bolstered by a strong supporting cast. Jack McBrayer (Kenneth from 30 Rock) has a bit part as a newlywed on his honeymoon that is great, Jonah Hill plays a host at the hotel and is understated and great. Sarah Marshal's new boyfriend is played by British comedian Russell Brand and is incredibly funny. Kristen Bell is great as Sarah Marshal, Mila Kunis is hot in an understated way. There is a great musical number. And there are a lot of funny scenes.

Two movies into the summer and two recommends.

One of the things about London is that the movie theatre near me has a deal, pay 20 pounds and you get to see as many movies you want in a month. So this summer I have taken it upon myself to see and review every "blockbuster". Here goes.

Iron Man.

Let me start off by saying there was a time where I was a comic book guy. My favorites were Daredevil and Green Arrow. I always disliked Superman because he was unrelatable. And the only way they ever tried to make him relatable was to make Clark Kent a bumbling doofus, which just doesn't play. I always liked Batman too, but the problem with Batman is that no matter how you want to portray Batman, you will be honest to the character, because by now we have seen Batman as dark and gritty and it works, we have seen Batman as bright and funny and it works, we have seen Batman as Dark and Bright and it works. So Batman has some core qualities, but how we enjoy him rests on the slant the creators want to play him as. Which brings me to Iron Man. I never read Iron Man. I probably knew some about his character, if only because I have at some point in my life known the inverse about comic books that I know about women.

The movie is in a word Awesome. Robert Downey Jr, phenomenal casting role. I thought he stole the movie in the underrated ZODIAC. In this he is perfect as Tony Stark. The role is played with humor. The role is played with a coolness that echoes Fonzie at his best. This is the super hero that guys want to be, girls want to be with. He parties, he lives life fun, and oh yeah he kicks ass. He is a rich Han Solo.
It doesn't stop there, the plot is pretty conventional, but the supporting cast is great. Gweneth Paltrow, who I have never really been a fan of, is hot in the movie, playing the role of hot good girl to perfection. Jeff Bridges is great as Tony Starks partner/archnemesis.
What a way to start the summer.

I am curious, as I know I have a small Illinois following, what are your thoughts on Obama?
(can I call it a Smallinois following?)

If you watch How I Met Your Mother and the Office. You can't tell me that last nights episode has paid off better than any Office Episode this season...

Although I did love the line last Thursday... "I give her a 10 for looks, but a 3 for describing herself"

I know its popular, but after three listens, the JUNO soundtrack sucks.

Here is what I don't understand about this whole Texas thing with all the wives. Have you seen these women. I can't imagine wanting one of them to be my wife much less 8 or 10 of them. I can venture that one or two of them have "Great Personalities" but the rest of them just look like Lunch Ladies, the kind that yell at you in front of the cafeteria when you try and steal a second milk.

Interesting thing that I am now going to declare (with some sadness). 30 rock has surpassed the Office in terms of funniness. Thursday's dinner party episode was funny, but and I emailed my friend this, what happened to Jan? Jan in the earlier seasons reminded me of many women I had met in New York. Type A, career driven, but also stumbling through mediocre relationships with other Type A, career driven men (who for the most parts were on the slightly okay side of Jerks). Many of them, often around the same age (or slightly younger) than the age I presume Jan to be, they make a decision to forgo the lawyer, banker, hedge fund guy who is nice, secure, but also when he is dancing with her at a wedding can't help himself from looking around the room to see what else is available. I can think of at least 3 very successful women who at that point chose a guy who is more "real", they choose the fireman, the police officer, the regional manager of a paper company.
What I don't get is why is Jan now a spazzy nutball. It doesn't make sense and it seems like she is a different character than she was before.
Plus now that Jim has the girl and is pretty successful, how can we root for him. I actually find myself rooting for Dwight, who has gone from the office weirdo to the office punching bag. And I don't know about you, but enough times of Lucy swiping the football and eventually you want to see Charlie Brown kick it.

Now excuse me I have to go sweep up saw dust with Gilly.

I have spent most of my life in a narrow geographic region (Philadelphia to New Hampshire on the east coast of the US). One interesting thing about being the UK is how weird it is being so far north. It is still only April so it is very cold here still (lows in the mid 30s F). The thing is that it stays light until around 8:15 already. That is how late it stays light in NJ/NH almost in full summer. The only other time I have this weird sensation of the temperature/dark/light phenomenon is the last time I visited Florida in January and it gets dark at 5 but is still in the 80's.

You know who I admire. People that want to screw around with the olympic torch.

#13 and I once got yelled at for "ruining a taboo" game in college. Anytime someone can ruin something that people take too seriously, I approve. All the better that they are doing it to protest human rights violations.

Mike and the Mad Dog Argue about Yankee Stadium (part 1)

These guys are the Sports guys on the radio in New York. Phenomenal

The Masters is this week. Next to opening weekend of football, no sporting event gets me more excited.

So your night is ending... those single people in the room are making their last minute attempts at finding friends. The line for the coat check is long. The bouncers are positioning themselves to move everyone on the street in search of cabs, buses or long walks. But wait there is one more song you get to hear. Three suggestions I heard were:

1. Last Dance - Too Literal
2. American Pie - Not a bad guess, actually has a similar sentimentality to the right answer
3. Don't Stop Believing - Don't know if they play it, but if they saved it for the last song, it would be waisting it.

The answer:
Put on my Blue Suede Shoes and I boarded a Plane, Touched Down in the land of the Delta Blues in the middle of the pouring rain.

Walking in Memphis? Really? Thats where you end the night?

someone much funnier than me, must have already said this, but with Charlton Heston dead I guess now someone can pry the gun from his hands

I love curling, in theory. It just seems like a sport that I could do. So last night on one of the other TVs they showed the semi-finals of the World Curling championship. You know who is the finals?

Germany and Australia...

Australia is good at curling????

so since being in London I have been at locations where people in their twenties, or people who pretend to be in their twenties go and dance and consume beverages. Most of the times I have been in such places is due to the fact that the only places in London to watch American sports, still shows American sports, but turn into a nightclubs after like 9. So last night under the auspices of watching the final four, I end up in one of those types places. For the most part I have been very impressed with the DJ's at these places. They all seem to cater to white kids who think they can dance but who also can rock. So there is always an interesting mix including the following music:

1. There is always a Grease medley
2. Always two or three Michael Jackson songs
3. Sweet Home Alabama
4. Summer of 69
5. There is always a Dirty Dancing medley.
6. Always a lot of Diddy, B.I.G.
7. Amy Winehouse
8. Some australian bands I have never heard of
9. Bon Jovi
10. Talking Heads.

But here is the odd one, is that at the end of the night they always play the exact same song. I will give 25 pounds to the person who can guess by end of day Monday what that song is.

One thing you have to love about the British is their outlook on delays. I have been at Heathrow, Gatwick and Stansted airports and seen people look at the departures board to see their flights delayed. In America this results in a lot of frustration. People are frantically on their cell phones. We have all seen people angrily read books like the DaVinci Code in airports. The British however see that their flight or anything is delayed as a rational reason to stay in the pub longer.

One thing I question about the British however is their ideas on Transportation. Sure the Tube is exceptionally clean, and they don't even mind if you eat on the Tube. As an aside, sometimes on the weekends I do a fun thing I like to call "Tube Picnics" where I stop off at the local supermarket and while going to visit friends, a tourist site, or the aforementioned pub, and pick up a sandwich and ride the tube with my own movable feast. But anyway, when I worked in NYC, I arguably worked in the heart of the financial district for 7 of the 9 years I was there. From where I worked there were a plethora of transportation options, I could take the subway, trains to New Jersey, ferries, buses, affordable cabs, and in a pinch it was an easy walk to other parts of Manhattan. I was in Manhattan for five incredibly nightmarish transportation events and all of them it took me no more than double the time to go home. The five, for those keeping score at home were:

1. 9/11
2. The blackout
3. The day it poured rain and the subways went down (2007)
4. The subway strike
5. The GOP Convention 2004

So now I work, in arguably the new financial hub of London. They have set this up smartly in old docklands on a peninsula on the southern shores of the Thames. Good Ideas so far! But here is where it gets ugly, they have two train lines going in and out. They have some buses that go to places the majority of people don't want to go, and where there are no real connections to anywhere else. So last night the magic train that takes me and most everyone else to and from work was down. No problem, like all proper British employees we retired to the pub. It was however while on my second pint I realized the ultimate fear. What if the trains do not come back up. I am going to have settled in for a few hours with everyone else and then have to figure out my way home, and while I am doing that with a few thousand slightly to very intoxicated other frustrated commuters. In the old days my sense of adventure would have lead me to up my pint intake up and throw caution to the wind and prepare to ride such chaos like I was Patrick Swayze in Point Break. But the Lake can be responsible from time to time, so I left at 8PM. Here is the rest of my journey home.

• Wait for about half an hour to get on a train
• Take said train in the opposite direction from home
• Walk for about an hour, kind of knowing where I am going
• Check and see, yup trains are still down
• Take a bus towards home.
• Check and see, trains dead.
• Get to a bus stop, see there are throngs of people. Wait for third bus to come to finally get on
• Stand. upstairs on the bus for 40 minute ride home.
• Finally arrive home.

All told it took me about four times as long to get home as it normally does. My one saving grace is I checked the web and the lines were still down, and that was about the time the pubs start shutting down.

Can't wait to go to work this morning!!!!!

1. 
   

In college how many times when someone was invited over to watch a movie was a movie actually watched.

Yesterday, all told there were about 57 minutes in the office about Ironing... Sigh...

I am a bit of a pop culture aficionado. That may or may not be obvious. One of the toughest part about living in London, even though, I am also a complete Anglophile too, is that I miss American trash. Once I read that there is nothing called guilty pleasures, that if it brings you pleasure you shouldn't feel guilty. Now that may sound like something Eliot Spitzer said to his wife or Bill Clinton to Hilary, but when it comes to Pop Culture I disagree. I love Karate Kid, Dirty Dancing and Saved by the Bell. To me there are few songs that are more enjoyable than Total Eclipse of the Heart or More than a Feeling for that matter. Just because something is either made or loved by the masses doesn't automatically make it bad. I am sure if you have read this far and know my writing style, you know that this intro is a set-up for something. I commented to Slinger the other day, about it and that is Slingbox.
Slingbox is something that you can hook-up to your DVR (can you believe there are still people without DVR, their inefficiency is an affront to human intelligence and decency) and allows you to watch the television anywhere in the world over your lap top. As I type this it is 1243 in the morning in London and I am watching Tuesday nights Jeopardy. My subscription to Entertainment Weekly may not make it all the way to London, but at least I can still watch, Lost, How I Met Your Mother, and Saturday Night Live.

Today at work, I listened to and partcipated in a conversation that was as long as all other conversations about a specific topic in my entire life: Guess the topic:

A) The difference between Groundhogs and Hedgehogs
B) Ironing
C) Why Blowpops have a questionable brandname
D) Cardigan Sweaters

Answer tomorrow...

Best clean joke I have heard in a while

What did the zero say to the eight?

"Dude where did you get that awesome belt?"

TALES FROM THE AIRPORT

1. Yesterday, I really have wanted since being over here to get a Yankees hat. The official kind they wear on the field (say that I am poseur that's fine... I am a lot of imperfect nouns). Anyhow I have a lifetime to kill at the airport and there is a lids or whatever. So I walk into the store and the person working behind the counter is a "pat". I can't tell if its a girl or a guy. Basic description: Jeans and a uniform T-shirt, super skinny, shortish hair under a cap. two earrings in each ear. Voice that sounds like it could go either way. So I ask for the biggest Yankees hat they have it doesn't fit. So I say, "thanks man" to which SHE now replies, "Actually I am a woman".

2. I later have to do the pre-flight visit to my other office. So I walk into the rest room. Completely empty. So I go into the Handicap stall. Not to go into too much detail, but it took a little bit of time. So I finish and walk and guess what, two people in wheelchairs are lined up waiting for me.

Valerie Tagged me...so follow along and learn something

1. Post the rules before you give your answers.

2. List one fact about yourself beginning with each letter of your middle name. If you don't have a middle name, use your maiden name or your mother's maiden name.

3. At the end of your blog post, tag one person (or blogger of another species) for each letter of your middle name. Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged.

Jello-mold. Are you ready for the most unmasculine post of the blogs storied life. When the field is down in the dumps I make her Jello-mold. its simple, costs about 5 dollars, and always comes out tasting well and usually both the taste and my effort prove that i am a halfway decent guy to her and that puts her in a better mood... (note this is better for "she had a bad day at work" surprise, than the "i said i would be home at 7 and come home at 9:30 having been at the bar with the guys" surprise that requires me to have 1-800-flowers in my fave five... (which is clearly a joke since 1800-flowers is a free call, and its not a hard number to remember)
Ingredients:
2 Apples
Bag o' nuts (preferably wal)
one container of red jello (i know red is not a color, but pick a flavor that looks red, i prefer the mix of blackberry and raspberry)
1 can of jellied cranberry sauce


Recipe

1. make the jello per instructions, but as you are mixing the jello crystals also mix in the entire can of cranberry.
2. let jello set for 2-2.5 hours
3. mix in nuts and diced apples
4. let set for another 2 hours
5. Garnish with cool whip or other topping.

Organism/orgasm - Not really about me, but every biology teacher in the US must get excited for the day in class you start talking about Organisms and see how many goofballs say Orgasm instead. I think that is the only reason I would ever want to be a Biology teacher. Number one reason I wouldn't - dealing with uppity teenagers who take it on as their cause that they are not going to dissect the frog.

Hulu - when i was home i looked at it, realized it may be the greatest site ever, and it isn't available in the UK.

New Jersey, a lot of people make fun of, but being back there this past weekend, reminded me about what a great place it is. There is no place like home.

Wow a recipe and Wizard of Oz reference, not that there is anything wrong with that...

so the last two weeks i have been from London to Munich to New Jersey to heading back to London tonight some fun stuff to report.

5 highlights

1. The dump came to Easter Dinner. I must say the Dump in mixed company should really be referred to as the Landfill.
2. Nobody drinks like the British, on an afternoon flight the guy to seated next to me put away 6 or 7 beers on the flight. He was in his mid thirties, professional. My states, puritanical background thinks this may be extreme, I don't know if the British do.
3. In a moment of interesting cinematic choice, the field and I went and saw Never Back Down, which is pretty much a shot for shot redo of the Karate Kid, with better fight scenes but worse acting, storytelling and factors of interest.
4. If I found out tomorrow that I was going to die in 30 days and could not spend time with friends and family, I might choose to spend that time in Munich. It's like New Orleans was pre-Katrina, Good food, Good beer, people in good moods, decent weather and a lot of the people speak a language I don't understand.
5. I feel like Lost is building itself up to either be the greatest show ever or a major let-down.

more to come...

The closest I think I will ever get to going through a time warp is when I am using a toilet paper and somehow I am unrolling instead of the top and bottom of a set of two-ply, I am unrolling the bottom of one and the top of the level below. Only happens every few years but when it does it is memorable.

Phenomenal

Before there was Matt Damon or Ben Affleck

Eliot Spitzer... a few comments

1. In college I remember there was a group cleverly, (although I am guessing a professor thought this up) called Bacchus. (Bacchus being the god of wine... unlike Steve Urkel who is the god of whine)... yes I just made an Urkel joke, its taking me a few days to get fully back in the blogging Swing. Anyhow Bacchus was one of those awful acronyms that just doesn't really make sense. I think it was something awful like Behind all college consumption healthy University students. The thing was they would have these parties with mocktails (fancy drinks that help guys who couldn't find a girl to make-out with even less successful). They were the ones who aided the feminist club in espousing the real but over hyped dangers of date rape. They wore Tee-shirts with things like, I can have fun sober. I remember my first semester Freshman year thinking about these people suck. I was mature enough to know that there was some validity to their cause, but I also knew that the only people who joined this club, were guys whose wrap was being sensitive, and girls who weren't hot enough to get into a good sorority. It was only after a few weeks, that my initial judgment was sullied even worse. The members of Bacchus were the biggest boozers and sluts on campus. Which brings me to my point... the people who preach the loudest are hiding the most.
2. The libertarian in me is reminded of George Carlin, If selling is legal, and a word that rhymes with ducking is legal, then how come selling ducking isn't legal.
   
3. The former 13 year old boy in me can't wait to see the photo of this woman. If he was willing to risk so much, she better look like Jessica Alba's prettier sister.
4. What I do know, is that if Spitzer was client number 9, there are a lot of guys out there that are praying for two things a) that there name isn't implicated b) that if their name is implicated they don't get known as client number 792.

When it comes down to it what is the most humbling object in the universe?

A whistle on a lanyard. Think about it. When you hold a whistle on a lanyard you could think "ooh I could blow into this and make a loud sound." However, are any of us truly optimistic enough to see that totally utilitarian view of the whistle? The answer is obvious.

Instead when said object is in our hands we immediately realize our own imperfections with more clarity than a 20X mirror. Sure we could try and swing the lanyard around our index finger allowing the centrifugal force to spin the whistle like a plastic tilt-a-whirl. Each revolution only deepens the glaring fact that we are not nor will ever be as cool as a lifeguard at a public swimming area.

We could also put said whistle around our neck, wearing it like a crucifix presented to an Italian boy on his first communion. We can stand tall and proud with shorts and ankle socks, and a windbreaker with no lining, but we will never have the simultaneous real and inflated power that a J.V. soccer coach.

When i most think about the whistle though is when it comes time for me to make a decision. Like all of us mortals, my decision making process often is filled with hawwing and hemming. Do I go see Juno or do I go see Rambo. Like all people who struggle with life, the emotion I feel the most is congnative dissonance, that feeling that the decision you just made is the wrong one. Often on lazy sunday's or rainy wednesdays I think about my decision making role models. The people who can make decisions in instants and then stand behind them with more confidence than a wolf in a chicken coup for the blind. I am of course talking about referees, but in particular soccer and basketball. They stand before us often in black, the sports equivalent of Johnny Cash, and who could not imagine a referee orderring foul shots or penalty kick in Reno just to watch a man die. The referee has his whistle and blows it with such authority. Their decision stands.

Sorry to write such a depressing piece

2 things that don't come in pairs but should:

1. Pears
2. Twin beds

Two stereotypes about Americans that I cannot understand

1. They assume we all bowl, a lot.
2. They think we all have guns

I have resigned myself to explaining to people that the way the fingerholes get into bowling balls is we shoot them.

Maybe I am out of the loop, but is this the longest we have gone in 10 years without a major starlet either announcing she was pregnant, getting a DUI, or being caught in a sex tape. It has to be close to 17 days.

Is there anything more awkward then someone who doesn't like public speaking, being really really nervous in a situation where there is no need to?

My favorite thing I read today. I guess the creator of Dungeons and Dragons died. A commenter on the Daily Gut said "He did more to stop people from getting laid than AIDS. Wrong yes, sick yes, funny absolutely. I was just on this side of dorkiness to never get into D&D, I remember playing a few times with someone who was more nerdy than I was. There were about six guys in a basement, the kind of basement where there were a lot of Legos and drawing tables, and not the kind of basement where there was a VCR, Animal House tapes and posters of girls in bikinis. My friend Warren and I were so bored with making up characters and deciding if they should be wizards or paladins or archers. So we cheated and when we rolled to see what our agility and stuff was we always rolled a 6 or 8 or 16 depending on the dice. So when it came time for our mission we flew through it and we were able to use deflection spell and actually ended up killing one of our friend's friend characters. We were never invited back.

as George Costanza once said.... I'm back baby...

I am in London, doing well... and because it annoys me. Here are five things every person under the age of 35 talks about who is American but living in London, that I will say this once and never talk about again:

1. It's weird getting used to change that can actually buy real things. The 2 pound coin is worth almost 4 dollars.
2. It stinks that pubs close at 11 PM, but in some ways thats a good thing too.
3. The pizza sucks, we get it.
4. Eventually you get used to the fact that roast chicken is not just a dinner that Mom would make, it is also a potato chip flavor.
5. There are only so many Friends episodes you can watch before you miss real TV.