Our greatest albeit meanest Taboo Clue: Slow Mike Tyson... Can you guess who?

5 Quick Thoughts from the Weekend.

1. The Field and I challenge anyone in the world to Taboo. We were averaging 5 right guesses a turn and hit as many as 8. Its a sign of the strength of our relationship that we are able to both give clues that we think the other will understand, but also guess based on how the other is presenting clues.
2. I am not a breakfast person, but there is something to be said for an hour long breakfast involving made to order omelets, homemade toast and jams, and fresh orange juice. It makes me almost forget that Lunch is by far the best meal.
3. We finally got around to watching the season finale of Law and Order SVU. By no means, Lost, but very impressive ending to a show that in someways is formulaic.
4. Having not ridden in a bicycle in about 3 or 4 years, it's like riding a bike when you step back on one.
5. I don't go to nearly enough museums.

What a restful and nice weekend... it really hurts my cynicism.

Once a year I work from home. Memorial Day Weekend Eve. Today is that day. Enjoy Memorial Day.

6 Memorial Day Speech Titles that did not win the Walla Walla, Washington American Legion Hall's 10th Grade Memorial Day Speech Contest

1. Subsidizing Enhanced Environmental Protection Regulation by curtailing Veterens Benefits
2. Duty to Country, Cha Right!
3. How serving in Vietnam is similar to the prolonged run of Sanjaya on American Idol
4. Flagburning and its positive role in history
5. Canada where the real heroes went
6. Korean War Sham

This weekend the Field and I are going to a bed and breakfast for the weekend. Seven years ago after spending a night making friends in a mildly friendly way with a girl from Yonkers I went back to my house at the Jersey Shore around 5:30 AM to find there were no rooms at the inn. So instead I slept on a bed in the abandoned house next door. The whole I night I feared that my snoring would alert the police that I was in there. It wasn't until the next morning that I went to use the bathroom and saw two other people from my house also sleeping there that I felt slightly safer.

The girl I saw one time a year and a half later and she treated me like I was her boyfriend coming home from war. By that time she was living on the Upper West Side and I was still in Hoboken, while we thought about exchanging numbers we both knew we could never handle the distance. There are days when the Upper West Side seems further than Miami.

By the way I need to start trying to create silly lists again... eventually if one were to read this too much they would think that my life has been 26 years of uninterested cute girls and four years of one slightly interested cute girl, which would be the saddest but most accurate obituary ever.

LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best episode of TV in a long time. I loved last weeks Office. Many episodes of 30 Rock are fantastic... but last night rewarded all those people that have stuck through with the show. I can't believe I have to wait 9 months. If you weren't excited when Hurley came barrelling down, well you just aren't human.

Greg Gutfeld is an insightful writer, who has the perfect sick sense of humor that makes him seem like he would fit in nicely to an afternoon drinking with the Dump, #13 or my brothers and I. I watch his show Red Eye every morning on DVR as I get ready and I probably check his web-site Daily Gut slightly less frequently then I check to see if my boss is over my shoulder. Anyhow the NY Observer did a profile here. It's an interesting read and gives hope to those of us who have been known to say something only to get a look of "did you just say that". If you haven't watched Redeye, much like Lost, the Office, Coke Zero Cherry, Swifter Wet Jet or any other tremendous efforts it takes a few tastings to ease into, but once you are there it is the best.

There are two type of people in this world. People who are excited about American Idol tonight and people who are excited about Lost. You can be excited for both, but more likely you are really excited for one and slightly excited for the other. In college I took a course "Forecasting" we learned about regression analysis and how to use it when dealing with financial markets. The class was borderline impossible. The teacher had the charisma of a white piece of paper placed on a field of snow in Alaska as viewed by some who is blind, has no sense of smell, and cannot touch. The course did have two things. My study partner was a girl who the first time I went over to her dorm room it smelled so shockingly feminine (in a the best way imaginable) I almost collapsed and she was wearing only a sports bra and shorts even though it was already November. The second thing is that from an intellectual perspective the material was such that just when you thought you couldn't grasp it any more and were ready to throw in the towel and become a lowly marketing major, you would get it. You would get it with such insight that everything you struggled with before was suddenly easy. The final of that class was comprehensive everything you learned, and having had those insights along the way it was long and it was a lot of work, but it was never hard. Forecasting to me is like Lost. Every time I struggle and think about giving in I make a breakthrough that I realize why I have stuck with it.

American Idol reminds me of my freshman writing class, but that song and dance is for another time...

One of the greatest episodes of Seinfeld (and really there is no definitive list is there, it changes to make whatever point you want to make) is the one where the message is left on the answering machine and they attempt to switch tapes. People fear heights, public speaking, and cacti, but there is something incredibly fear inducing of not being prepared to leave a message. That's why I think on cell phones you see a lot of missed calls and then a message. The person calls gets your voicemail and then calls back once they have formulated what they want to say. What isn't known is that this mimics a natural phenomenon:

The Grey Tiger of West Africa rummages the plains or as it is referred to there, the savanna, a perfectly good geographic term that questionable blond movie actresses have absconded and made their own (what pervy man would buy a movie starring Tundra Monroe or Estuary Sampson?). I digress. The Grey Tiger loves to eat, but animal psychologists have found that what it does when finding its prey, is that it will often go to within a few feet of an antelope or rabbit and then it will run back because it is nervous. It will then take some time ranging from 5 seconds to close to a minute and formulate and eating plan. At that point it will attack the prey with determination and ferocity. Why does it do this? Well, animal theorists think that the Grey Tiger has very potent taste buds. So if it were to just rip into the Antelope it might get a part of the carcass that is unsavory. So it attacks but at the last minute realizes that if it goes about it incorrectly his taste will be so soured that he cannot go on eating. And this explanation can all be found in my next book... Why I never lose at Balderdash...

Here you can see pictures of Paris Hilton who is now reading the Bible... more interesting to the Lake is that she has what appears to be web footed. In college one of my close friends had only three toes: his pinky and ring were fused together as were his index and pointer toe. The odd thing is if I had toes like that I would probably wear socks alot, but this guy wore flip-flops when nobody wore flip-flops. Either way I hope she is reading Paul, because in a lot of ways if Paul were alive today he would be a blogger.

I really don't think I have had REM Sleep in 6 days.

Thursday Night 3 hours of sleep not enough time for a full cycle.
Friday night Slept two hours and then was up for 15 minutes and then slept another two hours
Saturday Night - Slept for 2 hours woke up for about 30 minutes, slept for 2 more hours
Sunday Night - Slept for 8 hours but again I didn't dream, I didn't move I think I passed out from exahaustion.
Last night - Slept for 7 hours but woke up every hour. So instead of getting one good nights sleep I got 7 one hour naps.

What does all of this mean. I don't know.

The one highlight of the graduation I was at yesterday. The person who sang the national anthem was named Melody. I like when things like that happen. Like if you had a golf instructor named Chip or a Museum curator named Art.

6 Things that are fun to do at a college graduation

1. Look at the graduates and see who is more excited to graduate because they didn't think they passed that one class
2. Look at the graduates and guess which ones had a pregnancy scare during the course of their studies
3. Count how many people are sleeping during the commencement speaker
4. Try singing the Alma Maters words to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody in your head.
5. Walk outside and pretend you are going to the bathroom but actually just go for a walk on a rather nice day.
6. Stay home and hear about the stories later at the party.

I have really decided that I don't like events at all. I may have a good time while at an event, but in all honesty 98% of the time I am having a good time anyway so I would much rather it be on my own terms. Here is how 90% of all events go for me. I find one or two kindred spirits who I end up spending 75% of the time talking to (mostly about either A) something that really interests us or B) about how there are things we would rather be doing (it's always nice to hear someone else's sacrifice for being there) or C) about some commonality of the human condition that is humorously being displayed by one of the other event goers) then I spend the other 25% of my time pretending to care about things that I really don't care about. What's interesting is that I write all of this as if this situation is unique to me, but maybe this is how everyone approaches an event.

And just to prove my point 75% conversations may include:
A) places people have been that I am interested in, funny anecdotes, opinions on books, music or literature that may interest me or presented in a new or interesting light
B) Talking about what you could have been doing such as hiking, drinking, dancing or singing Belinda Carlisle songs in Karaoke
C) Like one of the people in attendance may be wearing an inappropriately revealing outfit, or plaid pants, or talking too loudly or about their portfolio and you and the kindred spirit can dryly comment on the silliness of such actions.

25% conversations include:
People talking about their painting of their home
Jokes about republicans and democrats that involve puns
People talking about Dogs who are long dead with no humorous or interesting slant
People talking about how impressed they are with the cheese selection
Anyone ever talking about a trip they took to Napa
Any discussions lasting longer than 30 seconds about cell phone plans
and any discussion more than 30 minutes into the event discussing how the person traveled there (unless they have crossed more than two time zones)

A few years ago through a series of unfortunate events I was supposed to go to a cabin I own with a few friends from college, and at the last minute work told me I couldn't go. It was the end of feb and plans were to work perfectly such that I would leave on Thursday afternoon and have a blast and stay until Monday. So late in the game I decided to go anyway, even though it meant me getting on a 6 hour train ride and spending about 20 hours there and getting on a six hour train ride back. So I get on the train and watch the entire first season of Arrested Development on my laptop, followed by the first season of the Office (the british version). I get to the cabin about 5:30 at night. We go out to a few of the bars in the woods and have a phenomenal time. I get up at 10AM and drive back to the train station. The sad part is the train is sold out. And the next train doesn't come until Monday morning. Additionally it is the middle of February and about 6 degrees out, and I have no cell phone reception. The other person waiting for the train suggests that I call the 800 number from the pay phone and I may be able to get a reservation. I do. When they tell me my reservation number it is 10 digits long. So I look around and there are four people waiting for the train. An elderly woman, a man who is drunk, a girl of about 19 with more metal in her face than pores. So I ask if any of them have a pen. They don't. If you have read anything about Mental faculties, one of the reasons that phone numbers are 7 digits is that is about all the average head can remember easily. This was 10 digits (and I may just be bumping of the degree of dificultly but I think it was alphanumeric as well). So I ask the girl with the metal face... (or as I will call her Roboface) if she will help me. She said sure. I said this is going to be silly. When I was a kid and would play Simon (The electronic game where you had to remember the pattern of colors that lit up), I found that if you sung with different tones the names of the colors you could remember much further to like up to 21-22 colors and if you played with a friend you could break thirty) She said "so". So I began to sing the numbers to her, and she would sing them back to me. "1CD459K43L". Then once we had them sung a few times we harmonized them. 10 minutes later of us singing this song the train came and Roboface and I ended up sitting across the aisle from each other and sang the song until I found someone doing the NY Times crossword puzzle and borrowed their pen to write it down until the conductor came. Then he didn't even ask for my reservation number. So I offered to buy Roboface a soda or beer or something, and she just said, "no the story alone is worth the singing".
On the way home I pretty much slept.

Lake Trivia Question: What is the major distinction between a parable and a fable?

I am not a fan of breakfast, but still is there a more delicious smell than waffles cooking.

Do you ever use Weather.com?

They now have an interactive radar map that if you love meteorology and you love maps, might as well be your Brad Pitt or Jessica Alba...

Interesting