Thoughts on the Holiday Season

1. When is PETA going to get on Santa's case for the reindeer?
2. Are there any other Nogs? Why don't we have Bread Nog or Grape Nog or Carrot Nog?
3. Where are all the pretty girls when I walk by mistletoe. I think my record is Aunt Millie 40 times, Young, pretty, unrelated girls never.
4. These "Elves" what do they get paid, what are their working conditions like? It sounds like the biggest labor scam since Kathie Lee and Nike hired kids at pennies a day.
5. When will there be an E True Hollywood Story on Cindy Lou Who?
6. Six geese a laying, Four calling birds, Three French Hens, Two turtle doves And a Partridge in a pear tree, I fully admit that I know nothing about what women want, but I have got to believe it is not their own flying zoo.
7. If I had to chose, I think I would choose Comet to guide my sled, Prancer to decorate it, and Blitzen to be the bartender at the after party... it just seems right.
8. What fun is it in the middle of winter to ride in a one horse open sleigh? I have to think, its snowing out and cold, give me a 3 or 4 horse closed sleigh away from the cold and the smell of horses. Sit in there and enjoy a mug of Grape Nog? Now... Oh what fun.
9. What is Boxing Day?
10. When is Santa going to be on Springer? A big Fat guy that lives in the middle of nowhere, works one day a year and has a bunch of midgets running around, Its either Springer or a Kid Rock Video.
11. He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake. Is that Santa or the Bogeyman?
12. Has any one ever tasted a second bite of Fruitcake?
13. You know who had a lot of patience, Mary. She has just given birth to the Savior of the world. She is shacked up in some barn with animals and three guys on camels. All she probably wants to do is put baby Jesus to sleep and get some sleep herself. But then comes allong this scrappy little kid with a drum. Now I know nothing about raising children, but I think I know that new born children probably don't react well to professional drummers. I mean if Max Weinberg or the one armed guy from Def Leopard were there I would guess you would not want them playing, but to ad insult to injury here is a little boy wiith a drum who probably sounds like Animal from the Muppets on Coke playing his drums as a gift. And Mary lets him do it and even somehow gets Jesus to smile at the boy.
14. Do they still make Mangers?