True Valentines Story from the Lake

1984, Second Grade 8 Years Old. My teacher offers us all a kiss for Valentines day. My teacher was in, second grade terms, kind of hot, (which can vaguely be defined as better looking than our mothers, but still motherly. {that may be really Oedipal but its not meant to be}) as an aside other grade levels of hot:
7th grade, which means you are a woman and not related
12th grade hot you are a woman within touching distance
25 year old hot. You are willing to talk to us.
Now as a 30 year old I have matured and married and would never even notice the physical appearance of another woman. I have reached a higher plane, where there is no difference between Charlize Theron in Monster and Charlize Theron on page 36 of the May 2005 issue of Cosmo I once think I saw. (Happy Valentine's day Field)

Anyhow my teacher, Mrs. Hoover, which is a great name to tell a story about a kiss, tells us all in Math class that we can have a kiss for V-day. Now all of the boys start to line-up, but I am terrified. I had religion class after school. I wasn't going to kiss this married woman. (Maybe it would be more funny if I wouldn't kiss her if I was a germiphobe, but instead my fear came from eternal damnation of the Catholic Church). She came over to me and said, "Lake would you like a kiss, all the other boys are in line." I said "no", that my religion does not allow me to kiss women unless they are related (I am not sure if that is part of Vatican II or not, but at least that's how I understood it at 8). At this point all the boys were shouting for me to get in line, so they could get their kiss. My friend Larry came over and offered to take me to the line, I said no I am not going and got under my desk, In a way I was a second grade Thomas More, willing to sacrifice my reputations for my beliefs. It was then that Mrs Hoover went behind her desk, the desk where months later she would teach us the multiplication tables. She reached behind and pulled out a bag of Hershey kisses. Evidently everyone in the class knew this was coming except for me. Eventually I was given one of the foil wrapped charms and it tasted like embarrassment.