Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Someone sent me this forward: See the bottom for my notes:
You Know You Lived In the 80's if:
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE.
2. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton
3. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom
4. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"
5. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
6. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
7. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
8. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
9. You played the game "MASH"(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
10. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
11. You know the profound meaning of " WAX ON , WAX OFF"
12. You wanted to be a Goonie.
13. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us...head-to-toe)
14. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.
15. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
16. You took lunch boxes to school...and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard.
17. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
18. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
19. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
21. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
22. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"
23. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
24. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
25. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
26. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
27. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.
28. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
29. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
30. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB"
31. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class.
32. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
33. You just sang those words to yourself.
34. You still sing "We are the World"
35. You tight rolled your jeans.
36. You owned a bannana clip.
37. You remember "Where's the Beef?"
38. You used to (and probably still do)
say "What you talkin' 'bout Willis?"
39. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!
Reflections from the Lake "You know you lived in the 80's if":
1. Right now, you are struggling to find meaning in the quest for middle management
2. In the last year you have made a pro's and con list about which sensible car to buy
3. You have been at a dinner party where all of the conversation is dominated by people discussing their 401K
4. You give in and watch Ugly Betty because your spouse wants to
5. You debate how many Super Bowl boxes you can afford to buy "one or two"
6. You haven't had a waffle in over a year
7. Weeks go by where all of your fun involves Sudoku
8. Your most played song on your I-pod is Everybody Hurts
9. You have begun to cross things off your Life Goals List because you know that some of those are just unreasonable and never going to happen
10. You had Oatmeal for breakfast
11. You give love a bad name
You Know You Lived In the 80's if:
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE.
2. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton
3. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom
4. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"
5. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
6. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
7. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
8. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
9. You played the game "MASH"(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
10. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
11. You know the profound meaning of " WAX ON , WAX OFF"
12. You wanted to be a Goonie.
13. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us...head-to-toe)
14. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.
15. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
16. You took lunch boxes to school...and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard.
17. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
18. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
19. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
21. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
22. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"
23. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
24. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
25. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
26. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
27. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.
28. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
29. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
30. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB"
31. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class.
32. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
33. You just sang those words to yourself.
34. You still sing "We are the World"
35. You tight rolled your jeans.
36. You owned a bannana clip.
37. You remember "Where's the Beef?"
38. You used to (and probably still do)
say "What you talkin' 'bout Willis?"
39. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!
Reflections from the Lake "You know you lived in the 80's if":
1. Right now, you are struggling to find meaning in the quest for middle management
2. In the last year you have made a pro's and con list about which sensible car to buy
3. You have been at a dinner party where all of the conversation is dominated by people discussing their 401K
4. You give in and watch Ugly Betty because your spouse wants to
5. You debate how many Super Bowl boxes you can afford to buy "one or two"
6. You haven't had a waffle in over a year
7. Weeks go by where all of your fun involves Sudoku
8. Your most played song on your I-pod is Everybody Hurts
9. You have begun to cross things off your Life Goals List because you know that some of those are just unreasonable and never going to happen
10. You had Oatmeal for breakfast
11. You give love a bad name
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Last night when I got home, even though it was cold, even though my mail was only junk and bills, there was a nice feeling of, nice to be back again. This morning, I got off the train, reached for my security badge and approached my building thinking "Here we go again." In a way and not to use too disgusting an analogy, but its the difference between having a nice meal and then needing to go the bathroom naturally with a nice magazine rack at your disposal in your home stadium and having diarrhea at a bus station.
The sun will come out tomorrow.
The sun will come out tomorrow.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Okay back in the saddle. A few news and notes from a nice trip to the place where Sonny Crockett feeds Elvis.
- Spent Saturday and Sunday night in the presence of "The guy who says something he thinks is funny and then immediately gives big laughs to himself"
- A big story on the News on Seven. There is a swan attacking other birds at a condo complex north of Miami.
- Friday when we left it was 8 degrees, at around noon we are riding up the beach of Miami Beach in a cab, the Field (for new readers that is my wife of 118 days) says, wouldn't it be nice to move to Miami. I said, it isn't fair to make that sell when it is 80 degrees and sunny in January. To be continued or not.
- Barbaro had to be put down, so much for horseshoes being good luck.
- Got bumped for a voucher this morning. 5 hours in the Miami airport is about all I could handle.
- Next time you are stuck in an airport play this game with yourself, look at the people in ill-fitted golf shirts and try to guess whether they are a pedophile, IT consultant, or both.
- I think I pulled off a miracle I spent two days around a 3 month old and never had to hold it once.
- Greg Gutfeld "Cops who specialize in domestic violence cases probably get laid a lot."
- Went to church with my Grandmother in Law, there would be a lot more people at Church if they allowed the priest to Simon Cowell the choir after the hymns. "That rendition of Though the Mountains May Fall was absolutely dreadful, Lord hear our prayer"
- The forecast for Tuesday was a bonechilling cold 48 in Miami.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
A new feature: I am going to pick an occupation and then I am going to suppose that I have only three questions to ask potential candidates for this position and I have to base my choice on those three questions. (I realize this is all very contrived, but enjoy)
Today: High School History Teacher
Today: High School History Teacher
- World War I started in what decade?
- Describe to me how you handle a student who is clearly gifted but shows no effort?
- Have you ever cried when you were alone with a stripper?
Do you ever like to think in terms of a matchup? Like, if these two things went head to head, who would win? Today the Lake presents some toughies.
- Ragu Pasta Sauce vs. Wishbone Blue Cheese Dressing
- The Washington Post vs. moisturizer that is a bit too oily
- Yellowstone National Park vs. The episode of Cheers where Woody sings the Kelly song
- Elvis Costello's Alison vs. Empire Strikes Back (Really think about this one)
- Salt Licks vs. Miniblinds
- A Ford Taurus vs. Joy Behar
- Salt and Vinegar Potato Chips vs. Carrot Cake
- Helium vs. Carbon
- Flutes vs. Belize
- Mountain Climber on Price is Right or actually climbing a Mountain
Feel Free to let me know your choices, I have made mine. Feel free to offer your own Match-up and I will be glad to tell you my thoughts.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Greg Gutfeld has put up a page where he and you post unspeakable truths. His are of course incredibly funny/insightful such as:
If it's never crossed your mind that you drink too much, then you probably
should drink a little bit more.
or
I secretly hope that if I'm ever in a plane crash in a desolate area - and there are survivors - and one of the survivors is a women who has a really small dog in her purse - that we get to eat the dog in front of her.
or
TO MAKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND MORE DESIRABLE, LET HER DUMP YOU
I have posted a few... feel free to guess who I am.
If it's never crossed your mind that you drink too much, then you probably
should drink a little bit more.
or
I secretly hope that if I'm ever in a plane crash in a desolate area - and there are survivors - and one of the survivors is a women who has a really small dog in her purse - that we get to eat the dog in front of her.
or
TO MAKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND MORE DESIRABLE, LET HER DUMP YOU
I have posted a few... feel free to guess who I am.
8 Ways Tuesdays could be better
- Free Prepackaged Ice Cream Cones at Lunch (The kind with hardened drizzled chocolate and walnuts)
- Tetherball game at 2:00
- If Alchemy were real and instead of turning lead to gold (Pb to Au) you could turn useless emails into Gold(Bs to Au). If that were the case my inbox would Fort Knox.
- No talk about tomorrow night's department Mexican Fiesta dinner
- No American Idol talk
- People who say they have a great sense of humor, actually have any sense of humor
- Meatball sandwiches become healthy for you
- If it were Friday
Tonight is the State of the Union Address. I can't wait for the day when we have a President with the guts to get up there and say everything he/she need to say in 15 minutes. Regardless of what you think of Bush, imagine if he got up there and said, "Look this administration has done some things right, some things wrong. Tonight don't get up and applaud every 45 seconds. We are elected by the people to steer this country in the right direction, I am going to tell you how my team thinks we can do it. How we can right some of the wrongs, how to make better some of the bads. So let's listen, and then let's start to act."
Either that or I would love Bush to start the speech like every crappy student council speech from high school, "Webster's defines leader as..."
Either that or I would love Bush to start the speech like every crappy student council speech from high school, "Webster's defines leader as..."
Monday, January 22, 2007
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Tough Drive there. Two Penalties and a sack. Not enough time to gain real Momentum though, but a score and then the ball back after the half... Defense.
By the way can we stop with the "D" and then icon for a fence. Every time I see it I want to get an "A" sign and then an icon of absense of space, like in a piece of fabric or in the ground.
By the way can we stop with the "D" and then icon for a fence. Every time I see it I want to get an "A" sign and then an icon of absense of space, like in a piece of fabric or in the ground.
Let's pretend the Lake was single. Let's pretend that I was offered to go on a date with Jessica Alba and it required me to go see Norbit. I would have think long and hard about it. In the movie version of this hypothetical situation, I would direct the scene very similar to the part of a Lifetime movie where the daughter takes a long walk on the beach deciding whether she should or shouldn't pull the plug on her near near dead elderly mother.
4-6 in the Grey Zone you go for it and you Score the touchdown. That is why in BILL we Trust
4-6 in the Grey Zone you go for it and you Score the touchdown. That is why in BILL we Trust
David Caruso
This is awesome. I never watch CSI Miami, but I guess this is how every lame episode starts.
Earlier this afternoon I saw The Departed. I think I feel about this movie the way Slinger feels about 24. Any movie that gets me rooting for Leonardo DiCaprio has to be good. Highly recommend it. Patriots score first. Good sign, but Colts are driving.
Awful spot, on Patriots stop on Third and inches.
Awful spot, on Patriots stop on Third and inches.
Experimental Blogging. Last year after the Patriots, lost the game I sent out what a few friends have called at various times, my manifesto, my tirade, and what I called "What I feel right now" It was my dissapointment of the Patriots losing, written late into the evening after a few Hurricanes at a Cajun restaurant. Anyhow Tonight since the game is on Sunday Night I will have the laptop up and post a few thoughts here and there.
First off Congrats Bears. My pick.
First off Congrats Bears. My pick.
Friday, January 19, 2007
What would I do if I won the lottery?
Become an expert on Feral Children. No topic in this world, followed second by the different Zebroids (a hybrid between a Zebra and another animal), fills me with utter curiosity.
Become an expert on Feral Children. No topic in this world, followed second by the different Zebroids (a hybrid between a Zebra and another animal), fills me with utter curiosity.
Every time I hear about the President's new plan in IRAQ I am brought back to the last semester of college. It was the Spring of 1998. It was probably middle of April, one of those warm middle of the week afternoons, when, if you had a job lined up, you immediately thought about how irresponsible you wanted to get. I was working at the computer center with a couple of Freshman. It's funny and even more funny now, but I remember the conversation distinctly, we were talking about whether we found Rosie O'Donnell attractive in a weird way. This is not revisionist history but I said no. One of the guys argued yes. Anyhow, my shift ended, and I went to cross campus to my apartment. There, near where the health center was, there was a big Coca-Cola Truck. A few guys where handing out not just free cans, but actual cases of a new soda, called SURGE. So I had to grab a case (it was not long after this that my roommates and I pooled together an entire weeks paycheck, which was supposed to pay for food for a week and going out and blew it on a huge party/ barbecue, and we ended up eating relish sandwiches for the next week).
I get back to my apartment, and like all bored college kids we started to experiment with what mixed well with Surge. Unfortunately, we only had a few cans of cheap bear, a bottle of Kahlua, and plastic bottles of run and vodka. Multiple listenings of Dave Matthews and playing of a card game called 21 (that isn't blackjack) later we scraped together money to order Pizza. We eventually went out to the bar right off campus and the night ended with me carrying home the girl, I pined over for four years, piggyback style. We went back to her apartment and watched the first 20 minutes of Billy Madison before I fell asleep on her couch.
I woke up the next morning went to class, (I was kind of studious), and went to work again (where there was an email waiting for me thanking me for being such a gentleman with my sleepover party), then on the way back home there was the truck again, and another case. This time I think I had something to do that night, probably unsuccessfully hit on girls. The Surge stayed in our fridge, and quickly replaced Dr. Pepper as the non-alcoholic beverage of choice. I drank it up until graduation and that summer until I went Backpacking in Europe. When I came back to the US I think it was like first or second on beverages I consumed. When I moved to New York, I think I had it once or twice, but then at some point it just wasn't available and I switched to diet soda and the rest is beverage history.
Why do I tell this story? Well I think it is an interesting parable. My time with Surge started out big and exciting, promising so much, and then for a while they seem to just be a good part of life, but then eventually it fizzled out. I hope for my life in 1998 is not a mirror of military strategy of 2007.
I get back to my apartment, and like all bored college kids we started to experiment with what mixed well with Surge. Unfortunately, we only had a few cans of cheap bear, a bottle of Kahlua, and plastic bottles of run and vodka. Multiple listenings of Dave Matthews and playing of a card game called 21 (that isn't blackjack) later we scraped together money to order Pizza. We eventually went out to the bar right off campus and the night ended with me carrying home the girl, I pined over for four years, piggyback style. We went back to her apartment and watched the first 20 minutes of Billy Madison before I fell asleep on her couch.
I woke up the next morning went to class, (I was kind of studious), and went to work again (where there was an email waiting for me thanking me for being such a gentleman with my sleepover party), then on the way back home there was the truck again, and another case. This time I think I had something to do that night, probably unsuccessfully hit on girls. The Surge stayed in our fridge, and quickly replaced Dr. Pepper as the non-alcoholic beverage of choice. I drank it up until graduation and that summer until I went Backpacking in Europe. When I came back to the US I think it was like first or second on beverages I consumed. When I moved to New York, I think I had it once or twice, but then at some point it just wasn't available and I switched to diet soda and the rest is beverage history.
Why do I tell this story? Well I think it is an interesting parable. My time with Surge started out big and exciting, promising so much, and then for a while they seem to just be a good part of life, but then eventually it fizzled out. I hope for my life in 1998 is not a mirror of military strategy of 2007.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
There is a lot of talk about this tragedy of the woman who lost the "Hold your Wee for a Wii" radio contest and her life. The background is this nutty Morning zoo type of station has a contest where people drink water and then cannot get rid of the water, and whoever can drink and not get rid of the most and longest wins a Wii. So the woman who came in second died due to Water Intoxication. The Lake would never disrespect water by using it in a contest. It does however have some other safer contests to suggest.
- Hold a Sneeze win a trip to Belize (Have contestents sniff pepper and the last one to sneeze wins)
- Don't Yawn get a New Lawn (Have homeowners with yellow grass stay up all night, then the next morning have them watch two hours of C-Span last to not yawn wins)
- Don't Laugh have dinner with Slash (Show contestants hysterical footage of cats slipping on wood floors, babys saying appropriate things, and Kangaroos and winner gets to have Dinner with the Guitarist for GNR)
- Don't Hold Your Wee for a Wii (Have the contestents spend 20 minutes in a sauna, then have them exercise for an hour, then give them as much water as they want, but the first one to wee gets a Wii
- Count to Ten for a Pen (People that call into the radio station and can count to ten quickets win a nice Cross pen, the kind you give a kid you don't know much about for a graduation present)
Please fee free to add you own and we can all become Radio Consultants.
Guns don't kill people, Swords Kill People
Weapon control is one of the paradoxes or is it paradoxen (actually a paradoxen is when you have two weiner dogs... so punny) like smoking bans where philosophically I think government imposed controls are wrong, but as a person, I am glad that I can go to a bar and not have to shower that night to get the smell out of my hair or when someone gets crazy they at least have to get passed a background check and can't buy automatic rocket launchers. I know I am being naive to think that background checks work and there is not a black market for weapons, but every layer we can add to increase the degree of difficulty helps.
Weapon control is one of the paradoxes or is it paradoxen (actually a paradoxen is when you have two weiner dogs... so punny) like smoking bans where philosophically I think government imposed controls are wrong, but as a person, I am glad that I can go to a bar and not have to shower that night to get the smell out of my hair or when someone gets crazy they at least have to get passed a background check and can't buy automatic rocket launchers. I know I am being naive to think that background checks work and there is not a black market for weapons, but every layer we can add to increase the degree of difficulty helps.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Different levels of sadness and how they relate to American Idol
- Sadness Expressed by someone who is an okay singer (probably number three in their high school chorus or church choir) who doesn't even get to audition for Simon and the Gang
- Sadness of someone who has no talent but goes on the show to try and grasp their 15 minutes of fame.
- Sadness of the guy sitting at home alone watching the show and get on his cell phone to call his friends to tell them all how funny number 2 was.
- Sadness of the eight year old boy who could not watch last night's premiere because he was at the vet with his puppy Rusty, who he got for Christmas, who had to be put to sleep because he had a inoperable tumor on his brain that was causing him to run into things and urinate everywhere.
PICKS
Thanks I guess to Dane Cook, who is funny until you listen to him for the second time and then you realize that he is a good performer with mediocre material, there is a bit of a resurrgence of stand-up comedy. Over the weekend there were two really great specials on. On Comedy Central they had Demetri Martin Person. and on HBO they had Louis CK Shameless. Both are really smart in how they push the envelope catch them if you can.
Additionally Extras is back on HBO the first episode is pretty great. No it's not the Office, but it is really a thinking person's television show.
Thanks I guess to Dane Cook, who is funny until you listen to him for the second time and then you realize that he is a good performer with mediocre material, there is a bit of a resurrgence of stand-up comedy. Over the weekend there were two really great specials on. On Comedy Central they had Demetri Martin Person. and on HBO they had Louis CK Shameless. Both are really smart in how they push the envelope catch them if you can.
Additionally Extras is back on HBO the first episode is pretty great. No it's not the Office, but it is really a thinking person's television show.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
10 Celebrities and their less famous but more poetic siblings
- Vince Vaughn and his brother Sean Vaughn
- Mia Hamm and her brother Sam Hamm
- Pat Sajak and his brother the Loan Shark Teddy "Payback" Sajak
- Russell Crowe and his sister Flo Crowe
- Jim Nantz and his brother Lance Nantz
- Bruce Willis and his Sister Phylis Willis
- Derek Jeter and his Brother Peter Jeter
- Howard Stern and his sister LaVerne Stern
- George Stephanopoulos and his Sister Hephanopoulos Stephanopulous
Let's be honest with ourselves about Two things today.
1. Ninja's are overrated. Yes they are cool, but so was the girl in high school that smoked clove cigarettes and wore too much black make-up in a way. I am not saying they aren't deadly, slick and endearing, but Ninja's just get to too much Hype.
2. Nobody really likes Broccoli. Ask any person why their favorite way to eat Broccoli is and the answers you get are obvious. Smothered in Cheese, dipped in flavorful ranch dressing, or on a pizza. Those are all great ways of masking that you really don't life broccoli. Until Charms starts making Broc flavored Blow-Pops I stand by my statement.
1. Ninja's are overrated. Yes they are cool, but so was the girl in high school that smoked clove cigarettes and wore too much black make-up in a way. I am not saying they aren't deadly, slick and endearing, but Ninja's just get to too much Hype.
2. Nobody really likes Broccoli. Ask any person why their favorite way to eat Broccoli is and the answers you get are obvious. Smothered in Cheese, dipped in flavorful ranch dressing, or on a pizza. Those are all great ways of masking that you really don't life broccoli. Until Charms starts making Broc flavored Blow-Pops I stand by my statement.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Saturday, January 13, 2007
As a man in Hoboken you have three options for how to get your hair cut.
1. The Barber. The barbers are very old Itallian guys. The kind of guys who still allow smoking in their shops. They have Playboy in their magazine racks. These guys are tough. They can cut for sure, but it is intimidating since 95% of their clients can speak to them in their native tongue.
2. The Salon. 30 bucks and they treat you nice, maybe offer you a scotch or glass of wine. Everyone else in there though Tivos Desperate Housewives.
3. The cheap places where you don't need an appointment. These places are universally the same. Seven or Eight hispanic girls between 18-25 in skimpy outfits who just graduated from cosmotology school and one Gay guy. They blare, at in Spinal Tap terms 11, the latest beats. It takes from wash to payment less than 20 minutes to get your hair cut, and they do a decent job.
I think it may say a lot more than I am willing to admit that I have with one or two exceptions chosen option three for the last eight years. I spend way too much time thinking about haircuts, especially since my style really hasn't changed since I was 19, and stopped parting it down the side for the comb forward.
1. The Barber. The barbers are very old Itallian guys. The kind of guys who still allow smoking in their shops. They have Playboy in their magazine racks. These guys are tough. They can cut for sure, but it is intimidating since 95% of their clients can speak to them in their native tongue.
2. The Salon. 30 bucks and they treat you nice, maybe offer you a scotch or glass of wine. Everyone else in there though Tivos Desperate Housewives.
3. The cheap places where you don't need an appointment. These places are universally the same. Seven or Eight hispanic girls between 18-25 in skimpy outfits who just graduated from cosmotology school and one Gay guy. They blare, at in Spinal Tap terms 11, the latest beats. It takes from wash to payment less than 20 minutes to get your hair cut, and they do a decent job.
I think it may say a lot more than I am willing to admit that I have with one or two exceptions chosen option three for the last eight years. I spend way too much time thinking about haircuts, especially since my style really hasn't changed since I was 19, and stopped parting it down the side for the comb forward.
I am 30, ten years ago I dealt with on a regular basis at least five or six people on a regular basis who really really cared about a particular band. They wore their T-shirts, they talked about their music, they had their posters. Now I can't name anyone who I have run into in the last 6 months who even comes close to that. I have no insight into this, but I think there is something interesting there.
Is it an age thing?
Is it that the I-pod has allowed people to become more song people?
Is all music that crappy, but still in 1997 the guys I am thinking about weren't all just really into Phish, there was a guy who was really into the Beatles. There was a guy really into Nick Drake. There was a guy who thought that Radiohead spewed the meaning of life everytime they farted.
Not sure but I find it interesting.
Is it an age thing?
Is it that the I-pod has allowed people to become more song people?
Is all music that crappy, but still in 1997 the guys I am thinking about weren't all just really into Phish, there was a guy who was really into the Beatles. There was a guy really into Nick Drake. There was a guy who thought that Radiohead spewed the meaning of life everytime they farted.
Not sure but I find it interesting.
Friday, January 12, 2007
6 Quick Ways to be unfunny
1. Do a Borat impersonation at a company pizza party
2. Dilbert in your cubicle
3. Refer to Two and a Half Men episodes
4. Wear a "funny T-shirt"
5. Forward videos of people getting hit in the balls
6. Make fun of someone who has lost a limb, who doesn't have a sense of humor about it.
1. Do a Borat impersonation at a company pizza party
2. Dilbert in your cubicle
3. Refer to Two and a Half Men episodes
4. Wear a "funny T-shirt"
5. Forward videos of people getting hit in the balls
6. Make fun of someone who has lost a limb, who doesn't have a sense of humor about it.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
David Beckham is going to play soccer in LA. Here are the numbers of people who care:
173 Soccer fans who even knew that the LA team was called the Galaxy
64,292 subscribers to US Weekly who anticipate seeing more pictures of his wife, the Gremlin
19,731 Teenage girls
19,732 Weird Uncles who are over 40 but have Myspace pages
173 Soccer fans who even knew that the LA team was called the Galaxy
64,292 subscribers to US Weekly who anticipate seeing more pictures of his wife, the Gremlin
19,731 Teenage girls
19,732 Weird Uncles who are over 40 but have Myspace pages
5'6"
How the Scene played out:
Dan: How tall do you think James Brown was?
Dave: Five-Eight or so
Dan: Are you really as dumb as you speak, that man was only like Five Four.
Dave: You are calling me dumb, at least I am not dumb enough to spend my nights in bed with that skanky cow Stacy, and the man was tall man
Dan: First of all Stacy has not lost all of her pregnancy weight yet, she will get there and you know that we are struggling with that, so play nice, and the guy was short.
Dave: I am telling you he was five seven, five eight, and dude you should be happy that any girl would stay with you, with your outdated Hawaiian shirts and your Converse All Stars and fro-ey hair you look like a 400 pound Screech.
Dan: Okay just stop it right now and agree that he is short.
Dave: Or what? are you gonna waddle to Mr. Belding.
Dan: Or How about this
Dan takes out a gun
Dave: Whoa whoa whoa. Look the guy's tall but there is need to get upset about it.
Dan: I've heard enough
Two shots to Dave's Abdomen
How the Scene played out:
Dan: How tall do you think James Brown was?
Dave: Five-Eight or so
Dan: Are you really as dumb as you speak, that man was only like Five Four.
Dave: You are calling me dumb, at least I am not dumb enough to spend my nights in bed with that skanky cow Stacy, and the man was tall man
Dan: First of all Stacy has not lost all of her pregnancy weight yet, she will get there and you know that we are struggling with that, so play nice, and the guy was short.
Dave: I am telling you he was five seven, five eight, and dude you should be happy that any girl would stay with you, with your outdated Hawaiian shirts and your Converse All Stars and fro-ey hair you look like a 400 pound Screech.
Dan: Okay just stop it right now and agree that he is short.
Dave: Or what? are you gonna waddle to Mr. Belding.
Dan: Or How about this
Dan takes out a gun
Dave: Whoa whoa whoa. Look the guy's tall but there is need to get upset about it.
Dan: I've heard enough
Two shots to Dave's Abdomen
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
This story will probably be picked up as a Blue State mocking the patriotism of our country. Don't buy it. The real story here is something I learned in Cancun in March of 1998. College Acapella singers are the most arrogant, funless people in the world, who just inspire you to want to beat the living crap out of them. It doesn't make it right, but spend more than four minutes with an Acapella group and you would want to beat the crap out of them too. The Story:
I am on Spring Break. Drinking too much Dos Equis and tequila with a few buddies and a few guys from UNC in old town Cancun. We also were sneaking in an early dinner. Our plan was to drink where the beer was 40-50 cents and then go down to the "real" spring break hotspots, primed. Along came five girls. Cute, friendly, they were outnumbered but we were being funny, jolly, a good vibe was developing. The set-up was for a perfect spring break romance, at least for some of us. Then came into the bar, a bar that up until now we owned, six dweebs with shirts that had a punny name on it. It was something like "Without a Bass" or "Pulp Conviction" something that in their dorm room must have been really funny. Within 3 minutes of them walking in, one walks over to our group of about thirteen. He says "Name a song". The least aesthetically pleasing of the the five says, "In Your Eyes, Peter Gabriel". Out of nowhere the six dudes start harmonizing In your Eyes.
Three of the girls go around and they continue with an Oasis, Matchbox 20, Dave Matthews, Counting Crows medley. We can see the 45 minutes reassuring the girls that we were just normal guys out to have a good time on Spring Break, and not future subjects of a Dateline expose, eroding as they name song after song and they keep nailing them. That's fine, I can be beaten in a bar over a woman, but what absolutely drew the ire of my friends and I, is that they did it so smuggly. That we could see that this was a routine. That these guys were weasels with nice tenor and baritone voices. It made us want to puke. We lost four of them and the one girl that stayed talking to us, said that her friends had never been on Spring Break before and they were going to go down this long road of being easily woo'ed in the wrong direction. Those guys in Cancun didn't deserved to get the crap kicked out of them and neither did these Patriots in San Fran, but they could use a little humilty, because at night you may be able to sing a song without instruments, but in the morning you put your pants on one leg at a time and you ain't making gold records.
I am on Spring Break. Drinking too much Dos Equis and tequila with a few buddies and a few guys from UNC in old town Cancun. We also were sneaking in an early dinner. Our plan was to drink where the beer was 40-50 cents and then go down to the "real" spring break hotspots, primed. Along came five girls. Cute, friendly, they were outnumbered but we were being funny, jolly, a good vibe was developing. The set-up was for a perfect spring break romance, at least for some of us. Then came into the bar, a bar that up until now we owned, six dweebs with shirts that had a punny name on it. It was something like "Without a Bass" or "Pulp Conviction" something that in their dorm room must have been really funny. Within 3 minutes of them walking in, one walks over to our group of about thirteen. He says "Name a song". The least aesthetically pleasing of the the five says, "In Your Eyes, Peter Gabriel". Out of nowhere the six dudes start harmonizing In your Eyes.
Three of the girls go around and they continue with an Oasis, Matchbox 20, Dave Matthews, Counting Crows medley. We can see the 45 minutes reassuring the girls that we were just normal guys out to have a good time on Spring Break, and not future subjects of a Dateline expose, eroding as they name song after song and they keep nailing them. That's fine, I can be beaten in a bar over a woman, but what absolutely drew the ire of my friends and I, is that they did it so smuggly. That we could see that this was a routine. That these guys were weasels with nice tenor and baritone voices. It made us want to puke. We lost four of them and the one girl that stayed talking to us, said that her friends had never been on Spring Break before and they were going to go down this long road of being easily woo'ed in the wrong direction. Those guys in Cancun didn't deserved to get the crap kicked out of them and neither did these Patriots in San Fran, but they could use a little humilty, because at night you may be able to sing a song without instruments, but in the morning you put your pants on one leg at a time and you ain't making gold records.
From an Interview with Ricky Gervais in the Onion
AVC: Do you think people sometimes laugh at things for the wrong reasons?
RG: I just don't think there's any pleasure in getting an easy laugh. There can be no reward. You stand at the back of a chain comedy club, and those guys come out and they're going, "Ha! What's going on with Scooby-Doo? A talking dog!" And I want to shout, "It's a kids' program!" What vein of comedy gold have they really hit upon there? Then some other guy goes, "Ugh, the '70s, haircuts were different, weren't they?" I want to go, "Well, yeah, but I don't know what you've done there." I don't get observational comedy. It's observational, but they've just left out the comedy bit. And these people are cracking up! They couldn't laugh any more. So you think, "Why would I try and make those people laugh? I don't need to make them laugh. They're happy enough. I'd probably just spoil it for them." I'm aiming at someone else. I'm not uptight about it. I don't want to close those comedy clubs down, I just don't want to play them.
AVC: Do you think people sometimes laugh at things for the wrong reasons?
RG: I just don't think there's any pleasure in getting an easy laugh. There can be no reward. You stand at the back of a chain comedy club, and those guys come out and they're going, "Ha! What's going on with Scooby-Doo? A talking dog!" And I want to shout, "It's a kids' program!" What vein of comedy gold have they really hit upon there? Then some other guy goes, "Ugh, the '70s, haircuts were different, weren't they?" I want to go, "Well, yeah, but I don't know what you've done there." I don't get observational comedy. It's observational, but they've just left out the comedy bit. And these people are cracking up! They couldn't laugh any more. So you think, "Why would I try and make those people laugh? I don't need to make them laugh. They're happy enough. I'd probably just spoil it for them." I'm aiming at someone else. I'm not uptight about it. I don't want to close those comedy clubs down, I just don't want to play them.
I was on the train this morning and two men in their late thirties covered the following topics in a conversation loud enough to be heard over my I-pod:
- How their bosses are jerks
- How their commutes stink
- How their wives bother them about how they don't make enough money
- About how expensive it is to raise kids
- About how they would love to move into a bigger house but they can't afford one
I wish I had some ironic twist to find the humor in the situation, but I couldn't.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Apple is introducting an I-phone and an I-TV. Is their new business model take an I-pod and add it to an existing item. If so here are some future products
- I-Wad. A balled up bunch of wet paper that plays podcasts.
- I-Sod. Really green grass that sells for 10 dollars a square yard and also plays the new Arcade Fire song.
- I-Izod-Pod Casual clothing for the ruggedly handsome fortysomething businessman who wants access to all his Jimmy Buffett MP3's.
- I-Cape Cod. Large Penninsula off of Massachuestts that which also plays episodes of Lost.
- I-God. Omnipotent entity that you can also view pictures of your vacation to Hamburg on.
Monday, January 08, 2007
I am in Chicago on Business. Since 50% of my time is spent in a cubicle and 50% of my time is spent in meetings where nothing is accomplished except for people stroking their ego, a business trip has always had this allure. Then you end up sitting next to a woman who doesn't life to fly, and is worried about missing her connecting flight to Cincinatti, and when she hears you live in the New York area proceeds to tell you about every contrived touristy thing she did over her long weekend. My I-pod is still 100% charged for the ride home, and four sudoku's on the in flight magazines are unsolved. This is the jet-set life you envision when you choose Finance as a major.
Three things that would make life easier.
1. Require taxi drivers to have the pass that lets them go through tolls. I don't understand why every person doesn't have one of these. Even if you only use it once a year it is worth it.
2. Get rid of USA Today. If the hotel industry stopped buying USA Today it would go out of business in less than a week. To paraphrase my dad's old boss, "The fact that USA Today uses trees that might one day provide oxygen that I might need to breath troubles me"
3. 40 Million Dollars
1. Require taxi drivers to have the pass that lets them go through tolls. I don't understand why every person doesn't have one of these. Even if you only use it once a year it is worth it.
2. Get rid of USA Today. If the hotel industry stopped buying USA Today it would go out of business in less than a week. To paraphrase my dad's old boss, "The fact that USA Today uses trees that might one day provide oxygen that I might need to breath troubles me"
3. 40 Million Dollars
Friday, January 05, 2007
My favorite corporate thing of all times has to be the "I am going to email you and cc someone because I don't have the guts to actually say what I am about to say to your face" email.
It's the nasty cousin to the "I am going to email something flirtatious to you that I would never say to you in person, and hopefully that inspires some chemistry" email that we all did in our single days.
The only difference is that the first has someone in a cubicle twisting their moustache thinking "Ooh I got them" while the second has someone at their cubicle trying to somehow coerce an email mention of Grey's Anatomy into a witty invitation for drinks at O'Hara's Olde Tyme Pub. Either way it is the act of the desperate.
It's the nasty cousin to the "I am going to email something flirtatious to you that I would never say to you in person, and hopefully that inspires some chemistry" email that we all did in our single days.
The only difference is that the first has someone in a cubicle twisting their moustache thinking "Ooh I got them" while the second has someone at their cubicle trying to somehow coerce an email mention of Grey's Anatomy into a witty invitation for drinks at O'Hara's Olde Tyme Pub. Either way it is the act of the desperate.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
The Police might be reuniting.
I often cannot understand the thoughts of a celebrity. The act of a famous band getting back together, is one that I can.
Story One
My Junior year of college I was involved in this competition where we ran a fictional business. It was me and two other dudes. That spring semester we spent hour after hour analyzing numbers, creating fake annual reports and taking fake pictures of us in suits looking like were were professionals. We also spent a lot of time hanging out. A lot of time drinking Coronas. The culmination of this competition was five days in San Jose. Those five days I don't think I ever had a moment to myself. We were either working on making business decisions, hitting on competitors from Arizona and California, which to our East coast souls were a new brand, or drinking in the hot tub talking about girls and the business. We slept for maybe four hours each night, but it was tremendous. The competition ended and we did not place but we were known as the rugby song singing guys from the East. The final night we were there we stayed up all night with some girls from Arizona and Idaho, laughing to the point where our sides hurt. At 1AM we kidnapped the airport shuttle to take us to the liquor store and then got the liquor store to put our receipt as snacks since our per diem didn't cover alcohol. The next day we flew back to Rhode Island exhausted, and I wrote a paper on Reaganomics. It was some of the most fun, intense days of my life.
Fast forward to the following spring. We are all Seniors. One of the guys was moving to DC to be an accountant. The other was moving to Boston and I was moving to NYC. We decide to head to the local watering hole to get the band back together. I remember there were emails hyping the night. There were inside jokes that nobody would ever understand lobbed. I was so excited I canceled going to a party some girls were throwing.
It was a fun time, we had a lot of laughs, a lot of beer. It wasn't the same though. I was home that night by 10:30 and had time to hit the other party.
When I think back on the night it was nothing special and yet I am glad that I did it. I met up with one of the other guys a few months back (Now 9 years after the time in San Jose) for a few drinks and again it was nice and fun and comfortable.
Story Two:
I am interning in Hartford Connecticut. The last weekend before I am to move back to college, we throw a two-kegger with all the interns and a lot of the full time people. The weeks before this I am having lunch with one of the full timers. She happens to have many of the qualities that I thought I wanted in a wife, much less summer love. She comes to the party. We spend 3 hours outside in the shade of a Maple Tree, until close to 4 in the morning. We discuss our fears, our hopes, our dreams, we kissed. That Monday is my 21st birthday. We go out in Hartford she shows up dressed to kill. I spend most of the time away from my other friends and with her. That Wednesday we go to lunch and she starts talking about coming to visit me back in Rhode Island. That Thursday we spend 2 hours on the phone again sharing company secrets.
That Friday, we have a bar crawl (being an intern is the greatest) She shows up and it is awkward. There was this tension build up and we both knew there was this expectation that in the warmth of the August night we would fall in love. The other interns knew it, her co-workers knew it. I put on my best shirt. So we hit the first bar and talk a bit, at the second bar though we are split up. The third bar, same. Finally around bar number five we meet up and she says that she has to go talk to someone. She does. Bar 8 and now I am wondering what is going on, I walk into where there is a dance floor. Bam. She is not just kissing, but making out with some other dude. Lets just say the night ends with there being more liquid in the Lake than usual.
I go home and wake up the next morning to move. I get a call from her asking how I liked the crawl. I said fine. She said she was sorry that we didn't cross paths more, but that she would call me in a few weeks. Over the course of the next year, being the nice guy that I am, I flung emails here and there with her. The day after my college graduation I am to go to Hartford for a concert, the plan was to meet up with her afterwards at her apartment. She had mentioned that she was single again and she was looking forward to seeing me. I go to her apartment. I walk in and it screams I am a lonely woman. There are too many Disney movies by the VCR. There are too many post it notes around the place to remind her where stuff is. She was 22 years old and had a full KitchenAid mixer like the Field got for a shower gift. The conversation was awkward and much less longer than I think either of us had anticipated. We left with a hug and I think have emailed twice since.
Why do I tell these two stories? Because when I read the story about the Police I felt it was much too easy to make a Roxanne, I won't be watching you joke, when in a way the desire to revisit the past is so much a part of life, even though it never really works out. Because all we are is Spirits in the Material World.
I often cannot understand the thoughts of a celebrity. The act of a famous band getting back together, is one that I can.
Story One
My Junior year of college I was involved in this competition where we ran a fictional business. It was me and two other dudes. That spring semester we spent hour after hour analyzing numbers, creating fake annual reports and taking fake pictures of us in suits looking like were were professionals. We also spent a lot of time hanging out. A lot of time drinking Coronas. The culmination of this competition was five days in San Jose. Those five days I don't think I ever had a moment to myself. We were either working on making business decisions, hitting on competitors from Arizona and California, which to our East coast souls were a new brand, or drinking in the hot tub talking about girls and the business. We slept for maybe four hours each night, but it was tremendous. The competition ended and we did not place but we were known as the rugby song singing guys from the East. The final night we were there we stayed up all night with some girls from Arizona and Idaho, laughing to the point where our sides hurt. At 1AM we kidnapped the airport shuttle to take us to the liquor store and then got the liquor store to put our receipt as snacks since our per diem didn't cover alcohol. The next day we flew back to Rhode Island exhausted, and I wrote a paper on Reaganomics. It was some of the most fun, intense days of my life.
Fast forward to the following spring. We are all Seniors. One of the guys was moving to DC to be an accountant. The other was moving to Boston and I was moving to NYC. We decide to head to the local watering hole to get the band back together. I remember there were emails hyping the night. There were inside jokes that nobody would ever understand lobbed. I was so excited I canceled going to a party some girls were throwing.
It was a fun time, we had a lot of laughs, a lot of beer. It wasn't the same though. I was home that night by 10:30 and had time to hit the other party.
When I think back on the night it was nothing special and yet I am glad that I did it. I met up with one of the other guys a few months back (Now 9 years after the time in San Jose) for a few drinks and again it was nice and fun and comfortable.
Story Two:
I am interning in Hartford Connecticut. The last weekend before I am to move back to college, we throw a two-kegger with all the interns and a lot of the full time people. The weeks before this I am having lunch with one of the full timers. She happens to have many of the qualities that I thought I wanted in a wife, much less summer love. She comes to the party. We spend 3 hours outside in the shade of a Maple Tree, until close to 4 in the morning. We discuss our fears, our hopes, our dreams, we kissed. That Monday is my 21st birthday. We go out in Hartford she shows up dressed to kill. I spend most of the time away from my other friends and with her. That Wednesday we go to lunch and she starts talking about coming to visit me back in Rhode Island. That Thursday we spend 2 hours on the phone again sharing company secrets.
That Friday, we have a bar crawl (being an intern is the greatest) She shows up and it is awkward. There was this tension build up and we both knew there was this expectation that in the warmth of the August night we would fall in love. The other interns knew it, her co-workers knew it. I put on my best shirt. So we hit the first bar and talk a bit, at the second bar though we are split up. The third bar, same. Finally around bar number five we meet up and she says that she has to go talk to someone. She does. Bar 8 and now I am wondering what is going on, I walk into where there is a dance floor. Bam. She is not just kissing, but making out with some other dude. Lets just say the night ends with there being more liquid in the Lake than usual.
I go home and wake up the next morning to move. I get a call from her asking how I liked the crawl. I said fine. She said she was sorry that we didn't cross paths more, but that she would call me in a few weeks. Over the course of the next year, being the nice guy that I am, I flung emails here and there with her. The day after my college graduation I am to go to Hartford for a concert, the plan was to meet up with her afterwards at her apartment. She had mentioned that she was single again and she was looking forward to seeing me. I go to her apartment. I walk in and it screams I am a lonely woman. There are too many Disney movies by the VCR. There are too many post it notes around the place to remind her where stuff is. She was 22 years old and had a full KitchenAid mixer like the Field got for a shower gift. The conversation was awkward and much less longer than I think either of us had anticipated. We left with a hug and I think have emailed twice since.
Why do I tell these two stories? Because when I read the story about the Police I felt it was much too easy to make a Roxanne, I won't be watching you joke, when in a way the desire to revisit the past is so much a part of life, even though it never really works out. Because all we are is Spirits in the Material World.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Smokie the Bear now says, "Only you can prevent wildfires" instead of Forest fires.
The problem I have always had with Smokie the Bear, is that we are to believe that a bear who only thinks about food and sleeping for long periods of time now cares about forest fires is silly.
That is why I prefer Smokies cousin Winnie the Pooh and Yogi. Realistic depictions of bears.
The problem I have always had with Smokie the Bear, is that we are to believe that a bear who only thinks about food and sleeping for long periods of time now cares about forest fires is silly.
That is why I prefer Smokies cousin Winnie the Pooh and Yogi. Realistic depictions of bears.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Monday, January 01, 2007
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