Paris Hilton was arrested for driving under the influence. The Lake has an exclusive transcript of the sobriety test:

Officer O'Brien: Ms. Hilton could you please say the alphabet for us
PH: The Alphabet for us
OOB: No actually say the letters for us
PH: The letters for us, this is easy can I go sleep with a Jamacian DJ now
OOB: Ms. Hilton we actually need you to say all 26 letters of the alphabet, you know A-B-C-D
PH: Oh thats hard. Can you give me a clue.
OOB: Okay lets just try one other test. Can you please extend your arm and touch your nose.
Paris begins to take off her clothes.
OOB: What are you doing?
PH: Don't worry I am just skipping ahead to the good part, I played this game with the Rutgers football team in Atlantic City one night.
OOB: I think you are intoxicated and are going to need to take you downtown. I would like to inform you that everything you say will be recorded.
PH: Can you not use night vision cameras it makes my elbows look fat.
OOB: Ms. Hilton please step into the back of the squad car
PH: I skipped lunch and dinner does anyone have an Altoid...